Papa

"I saw you pass away. Although I loved you dearly, I couldn't make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me, he only takes the best."

December 2009

Today would have been my Papa's 87th birthday and my grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary. We lost Papa back in February and nothing has been the same since. Grandma had to go to a retirement home and her dementia has increased, the house out in the country is empty, and we are preparing for Thanksgiving this week without him for the first time.

Papa & Grandma - December 2008

I've missed him a lot through the months, but more so today. It's hard to put into words how much he meant to me and my family. I only have a small number of men in my life that I look up to and respect and Papa was definitely one of them. He was a Godly man; at church any time the doors opened, before his health declined in later years. He was the hardest worker I'd ever known, besides Grandma. He was a farmer and a rancher and would spend all day tending to the cattle or the garden. I loved going out to my grandparent's house growing up. It was always an adventure. We would play on the cellar or cattle guards, run around with the dogs, which we called ours since we didn't have any of our own. I loved going to the big barn with Papa to get sugar cane to feed the dogs. It was a treat for the dogs and Courtney & me. We would eat a plethora of sweets at their house, and Papa would always encourage us to have more. And he always had gum...always. The little children at his church would run up to him to get sticks of gum before and after the service, and I thought my Papa was the coolest because of that.

fishing with Daddy, Papa, & Court - 1991

Christmas Day 2007

I was scared to death of my Papa when I was younger. When his voice was raised it shot terror through me. It created in me a healthy respect for him. Although as he aged he got much more mellow, and my fear disappeared all together. When I picture Papa I always think about the faded overalls he wore. Those were for working and not to be worn to town. I loved them. I also loved his big pocket watch that was always tucked safely inside the overalls. That was Papa.

Papa & Mom - 2009

The whole family - Christmas 2009

I'll never forget the year we shot off fireworks in the country. The dancing butterfly chased Papa and he was running and laughing. It was hilarious. I remember it like it was yesterday. Papa had the best laugh ever. It can't be imitated. It lit up his whole face. I got the biggest kick out of him mispronouncing Courtney's name. He always said Courtley, even if we corrected him. He loved watching 'wrastling' and eating sweets. Chocolate cake was his favorite. There are many, many more memories that come to mind when I think of Papa, but you get the point.

I miss him dearly. He was the only grandfather I've ever known and it was a joy getting to grow up 20 miles from he and Grandma. I know he's in Heaven now, but I would have selfishly kept him around here forever.

"I'm gonna miss that smile, I'm gonna miss you my friend
Even though it hurts the way it ended up, I'd do it all again
So play it sweet in heaven 'cause that's right where you wanna be
I'm not cryin' 'cause I feel so sorry for you, I'm cryin' for me" ~Toby Keith